oh good God…

December 18, 2008

this one will be quick…

there seems to be a trend forming in my life.  it goes like this: if i am shopping in any sort of retail establishment, invariably i will end up in line behind either A.) an elderly person who has not spoken to another human being in an extended period of time and is anxious to have some sort of conversation with anyone who will listen; or B.) a person in need in mental health services and/or some sort of mood altering medication; or C.) an unpleasant combination of the two aforementioned people.

then, if you can measure how much of a hurry i am in… let’s say level 1 is that i have time to spare and would love to stop and chat with someone coherant and 5 is that i am in a rush and have to get back to work before my lunch hour expires… that level will correspond to the level of wackiness or craziness of the jackalope in line in front of me, such that if i am needing to complete my retail shopping transaction and return to my place of employment as quickly as is possible, then the crazy old lady in front of me with a bad home dye job on her hair and inability to remember if she gave the check out person a 10 or a 20, will be at her veritable zenith of craziness… and will then proceed to attempt to share some obscure portion of her life with either me or said check out person.

and because i’m from the midwest, i know that i can only be rude and insensitive to members of my immediate family, whereas i am genetically forced to be civil and jovial to all the wierdos i encounter in public and will most likely never see again.

i never thought i’d utter the words “oh my, that’s a very interesting photograph of your grandson taken in 1965.” while trying to pick up a Christmas present in the mall… all the while wishing i could say “move it, grannie or i’ll break your hip.”


One Response to “oh good God…”

  1. Anne Crafton Says:

    Hmmmmmm, I’m just wondering why it’s a “grannie” and not a “grandpa” that had the bad dye job? ha ha I know; most grandpas have no hair!!! And, you’re a guy, and guys pick on old ladies behind their backs, yet they help them across the street!!! Have a great afternoon, Matt!

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